How to eliminate jealousy
You have your best ability to do things where you have your most motivation.
You will have your most motivation where your most needs and/or abilities are.
If looking at somebody's success makes you feel bad about yourself,
either of the two is possible:
1) You are working on the wrong things.
2) Your thinking is wrong.
1) Ask yourself. Are you working on the things that you are supposed to work on?
Those things are the things that you are committed (and hopefully are in your best interest; for, if not, you shall finish or terminate that commitment gracefully as soon as possible and move on the right track.) or the things that you would love to work, or the things that will lead you to the things you would love to work.
If the answer is NO, you found your answer for your jealousy. You are not getting the success you deserve and therefore you are jelaous. Understand it and your jelaousy will diminish.
Then, work on the things you are supposed to work on and understand that you are on your way, and your jealousy will evaporate completely.
If it doesn't, the reasons are a combination of the following:
a) You are still not working on the things you are supposed to.
b) The next reason.
2) Your thinking is wrong.
Ask yourself. Are you doing your best?
Doing your best is less than or equal to doing your max. Doing your best is doing whatever you could do optimally, not more, and not less. If you are doing your best, you are doing optimal. How can you be jelaous? Don't worry about things that you don't have control over. Work on things that you have control over.
If you are still jelaous, then:
a) You are assuming something that is not true.
Maybe you think this person got this success with less effort than is the reality. (If s/he is lying to you, by the way, that's her/his problem. Don't take it personally.) Consider such possibilities. It can be a combination of things. It could be that s/he has a special ability. So what? You have other special abilities, too. If you don't know them, find them and work them. Then the issue becomes item (1). If you want somebody's special ability, that's a wrong wish. You really don't want that special ability; you want the results; isn't that true? If it is true, this is the way to get it. Work your special abilities. The other way of wishing or trying somebody else's special abilities is either near to impossible in your lifetime, or very costly. Whatever ability it is, if it is so costly, not near optimal, it won't serve you well; for, you deserve to be successful, happy, etc.
b) You are still thinking wrong.
Sometimes, thoughts become automatic. When the wrong ones are like this, it will also take some time to catch them and change them. It will take time. Understand this and this will help you to be patient, for there is no more optimal way than this. In other words, this is the best way.
The main guideline to eliminate automatic negative thoughts is this:
Every time you have the jelaous feeling, be prepared to know that you probably just had an automatic thought. Focus on this idea, find the thought and challenge it. It will dematerialize every time. After a while, either this dematerialization will become automatic and cancel out the prior one, or the prior thought will not come any more. In both cases, you win.
You will have your most motivation where your most needs and/or abilities are.
If looking at somebody's success makes you feel bad about yourself,
either of the two is possible:
1) You are working on the wrong things.
2) Your thinking is wrong.
1) Ask yourself. Are you working on the things that you are supposed to work on?
Those things are the things that you are committed (and hopefully are in your best interest; for, if not, you shall finish or terminate that commitment gracefully as soon as possible and move on the right track.) or the things that you would love to work, or the things that will lead you to the things you would love to work.
If the answer is NO, you found your answer for your jealousy. You are not getting the success you deserve and therefore you are jelaous. Understand it and your jelaousy will diminish.
Then, work on the things you are supposed to work on and understand that you are on your way, and your jealousy will evaporate completely.
If it doesn't, the reasons are a combination of the following:
a) You are still not working on the things you are supposed to.
b) The next reason.
2) Your thinking is wrong.
Ask yourself. Are you doing your best?
Doing your best is less than or equal to doing your max. Doing your best is doing whatever you could do optimally, not more, and not less. If you are doing your best, you are doing optimal. How can you be jelaous? Don't worry about things that you don't have control over. Work on things that you have control over.
If you are still jelaous, then:
a) You are assuming something that is not true.
Maybe you think this person got this success with less effort than is the reality. (If s/he is lying to you, by the way, that's her/his problem. Don't take it personally.) Consider such possibilities. It can be a combination of things. It could be that s/he has a special ability. So what? You have other special abilities, too. If you don't know them, find them and work them. Then the issue becomes item (1). If you want somebody's special ability, that's a wrong wish. You really don't want that special ability; you want the results; isn't that true? If it is true, this is the way to get it. Work your special abilities. The other way of wishing or trying somebody else's special abilities is either near to impossible in your lifetime, or very costly. Whatever ability it is, if it is so costly, not near optimal, it won't serve you well; for, you deserve to be successful, happy, etc.
b) You are still thinking wrong.
Sometimes, thoughts become automatic. When the wrong ones are like this, it will also take some time to catch them and change them. It will take time. Understand this and this will help you to be patient, for there is no more optimal way than this. In other words, this is the best way.
The main guideline to eliminate automatic negative thoughts is this:
Every time you have the jelaous feeling, be prepared to know that you probably just had an automatic thought. Focus on this idea, find the thought and challenge it. It will dematerialize every time. After a while, either this dematerialization will become automatic and cancel out the prior one, or the prior thought will not come any more. In both cases, you win.
posted by Alex at 6:42 AM
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